Dishonesty in relationships is one of the common reasons for breakups and separations. It does not have to be when you know how to handle it. Treat the information here as your guide on how to deal with dishonesty.
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Truth and Lies
Dishonesty is a bad thing; there is no question about it. If you have entered into a relationship, and committed yourself to someone, you have to stay faithful. This, however, is not what happens in reality.
It is quite common for people in relationships to cheat on their partners. The underlying reason is unhappiness or discontent in their existing relationship. Even just a little of this discontent can make a person prone to cheating or infidelity.
If you are the wrong doer, the question is should you tell your partner of your unfaithfulness or not? If you are the wronged party, can you accept the truth if your partner gives it to you?
There are no easy answers. People who cheat on their partners seldom admit their extra affairs. The wronged, on the other hand, can hardly handle the truth when given to them by their partners.
This guide will help you how to deal with dishonesty in the face of such roadblocks to recovery.
Help for the Wrong Doer
If you happen to be the wrong doer in the relationship, you can stop your dishonesty and mend your ways with these tips:
- A) Evaluate the situation carefully, before you decide to confess you sin to your partner. It is ideal to tell the truth about your cheating to your partner. Honesty is a virtue.
However, there are instances where honesty may not be the best solution to resolve relationship issues.
Here are three reasons it can be prudent to refrain from confessing your indiscretion to your partner:
- Avoid confessing when such confession will only put your partner in an irreversible condition of hurt, anger, and depression that will cause the person to lose trust in the relationship.
In other words, if the confession will do more damage to your partner, then do not tell.
- If you are only confessing because of guilt, then it is better that you do not. This reason for confession is selfish. It is not honesty in the truest sense of the word since selfishness is what motivates you to tell the truth.
- Avoid telling your partner of your indiscretion if you honestly care and want to shield the person from any pain. You should not use this as an excuse, however, to repeat the act and commit future indiscretions.
- B) Confess and tell the truth. This is the ideal way to deal with dishonesty and recover from it. Truth may be a bitter pill to swallow, especially for the wronged, but it is the foundation of rebuilding the relationship from dishonesty.
In telling the truth to your partner, consider the following:
- You have to be sincere in your motive and confession. You should do it not because you want to release your guilty feelings, but because of your love for your partner that you are sincerely repentant for committing the indiscretion.
- You must make a commitment and assure your partner, not just in words but also more importantly in actions, that you will stay faithful and loyal to your relationship.
Thereafter, never give your partner the reason to doubt your commitment to withdraw the trust accorded to you.
Help for the Wronged
Dishonesty is more difficult for the wronged. The future of the relationship, after the dishonesty, depends largely on how the wronged will handle the situation.
Here are some tips to help you cope, survive, and recover from the dishonesty of your partner:
- Accept the fact that dishonesty has been committed. If your partner tells you the truth about the indiscretion, credit the person for doing so. However, do not deny yourself to feel the pain and hurt. Otherwise, it will only build up inside you until you cannot take it any longer that you explode. There goes the relationship.
- Deal with your emotions first, before you deal with your partner. When emotions are high, it will keep you from thinking rationally. It will cloud your judgment that will lead you to make decisions you might regret later on. Let your emotions subside and prevent it from getting the better of you.
- Take good care of yourself. It is easy to do things to retaliate or exact revenge on your partner. Keep in mind though that such act will only damage your person and not your partner’s. Never be the kind of person you are not just because of the hurt and pain from your partner’s betrayal of your trust.
- Accept your shortcomings. This will make it easier for you to swallow the bitter pill of truth if you recognize that you have a part, whether directly or indirectly, in your partner’s indiscretion or dishonesty. Look at dishonesty from a different perspective, and do not always equate it with deception.
- Surround yourself with people who will help you recover from the blow in your relationship. These people should not add fire to the situation, but will give you the support you need to see things from a more objective point of view.
- Rebuild your trust in the relationship. Recover your trust in yourself, and then work out to rebuild the trust in your partner. Open your lines of communication to let your partner know of your willingness to forgive, forget, and move forward, and that this may take time. Lay your expectations on the table.
The best relationships have trust and honesty as the foundation. Before you decide to enter into a relationship, you must be willing to commit yourself to faithfulness, honesty, and loyalty to your partner.
If, for any reason, you have committed a moment of indiscretion, the best way is to tell the truth with sincerity and correct your mistake. How you deliver the truth and your actions thereafter are more telling than the truth itself.
If you are at the receiving end of the dishonesty, prepare yourself for the pain. Learn how to deal with your emotions, and balance it with reason. If the relationship is worth saving, be ready to forgive and forget.
Both partners in the relationship must realize their roles and responsibilities. If they cannot exercise honesty, then it is best to avoid entering into relationships in the first place. Otherwise, they must learn how to deal with dishonesty and other relationship issues.
